Cash For Cluckers

The CDC recently suggested that obesity is weighing heavy on the overall cost of health care, adding approximately $147 billion to the total bill. In an effort to trim the cost of health care, the House Weighs & Means Committee is exploring incentives to encourage the public to lose weight through better food choices.

One suggestion was to set curfews for grocery stores and restaurants and reduce the hours of operation. The thought is, if the public has less time to shop for and consume food they will lose weight.

Another plan considered is to ban parking spaces at grocery stores and restaurants. If you want to buy food or eat you can only walk. Using cars, even green ones, would be banned.

This also has the effect of reducing our dependence on foreign oil.

It has been decided that Americans eat too much pork and red meat. In order to encourage better food choices the Committee decided to offer cash incentives to encourage more consumption of poultry products.

Grocery stores would participate by taking in beef and pork from your freezer when you buy chicken instead. For every pound of beef or pork turned in you would receive cash to be applied toward the purchase of chicken.

This Cash for Clucker's program is expected to provide a much needed boost to the failing poultry industry that has fallen on hard times. This is evidenced by the fact that no one has seen Colonel Sanders in years except on milk cartons.

In an effort to further reduce the consumption of beef and pork the Committee has appointed a special commission to explore the way beef and pork products are promoted to the pubic.

Ronald McDonald will be investigating beef production and distribution. No one particular individual has been chosen to investigate pork but it is agreed that any member of Congress is well versed in pork and any of them can handle the job.

If Cash for Clucker's lays an egg the blame will shifted to the Bush tax cuts and global warming.