■ Item the 1st, Bad News Dept: On the one hand, it's remotely possible that, over the years, I may have had occasion to, um, disappoint my wife and/or daughters. Thankfully, however, it's never gotten quite this far [ed: that you know of]:
"(A)uthorities told [Kenneth Hughes] his wife of 34 years, Shirley Hughes, and his oldest daughter, Tammy Lewis, had plotted a murder-for-hire scheme to collect on his $200,000 life insurance policy."
But wait, there's a twist:
"(H)e was shocked at the allegations made against his wife but not his daughter." [emphasis added]
Memo to self: No more chores for Junior.
Of course, even had the plan succeeded, it's likely that neither wife/mom nor daughter would have collected a cent on the policy: since it's illegal for someone to profit from their crimes, the benefits would have been paid to either a contingent beneficiary or Mr Hughes' estate.
■ Item the 2nd, Bad News Dept: I've never been a big fan of dental insurance (at best, it's swapping dollars with the insurer), but this seems like a good reason to stay in-network:
"The attorney for a Woodland dentist told jurors that his client massaged women's chests as part of a medical treatment."
The, um, unorthodox "procedure" was ostensibly to treat his patients' temporomandibular disorder; TMJ generally affects the jaw and some facial muscles, so this defense seems unlikely to prevail.
Memo to self: Always accompany the wife to her dentist appointment.
■ Item the 3rd, Good News Dept: It seems safe to say that we've all heard of CAT scans, but would you believe that the MVNHS© is now using DOG scans?
Okay, it's not really the British health care system's newest medical tech, but a 64 year old woman's collie who made the potentially life-saving discovery:
"After Max began sniffing Mrs Burns's breath and then gently nudging her right breast, the 64-year-old examined herself and discovered a small lump in the same breast."
One wonders if this new technique will gain wider acceptance, but there's no doubt that, in this case, "Max" really was her best friend. Oh, in case you're wondering, Mrs Burns has "since had the lump removed and her prognosis is excellent."